President López Obrador Gets His Own 3D-Printed Doppelganger

President Andrés Manuel López Obrador (AMLO) kicked off his morning conference with a bang today, dishing out pronouncements on Patria vaccines, healthcare rights, and a potential second shooter in the 1994 assassination of Luis Donaldo Colosio. Oh, and did we mention the three-dimensional AMLO doll crafted by a migrant artisan?

Universal Healthcare on the Menu: AMLO kicks things off with a bold promise: a top-notch public health system for all. “Health is not a privilege,” he declares, his voice booming through the microphones, “it's a right!” Free medical care, surgical interventions – the whole shebang, served up on a platter of social justice.

Patria, the Vaccine Hero: Cofepris, Mexico's health watchdog, struts its stuff, proudly touting the homegrown Patria vaccine. Developed under the watchful eye of “Glass Box” transparency, this wonder-jab promises to shield Mexicans from COVID-19 and its 19 pesky cousins. Cofepris even boasts that 20 countries line up for Patria's endorsement, a testament to its quality (and potential export profits, wink wink).

IMSS-Wellbeing: Progress with a Side of Bureaucracy: Zoé Robledo, head of the Mexican Social Security Institute, beams with bureaucratic pride. The IMSS-Wellbeing plan is spreading like wildfire across 23 states, bringing home visits, shiny new equipment, and a whole lot of paperwork. Thousands of doctors and nurses have been basified (fancy term for getting a permanent job), though some grumble about being left behind in the seniority queue.

Respiratory Roulette: The winter flu season is a dicey game in Mexico. This year, it's a three-way battle between influenza, RSV, and the ever-present COVID-19. Thankfully, hospitals are stocked with beds and ventilators, and vaccination rates are decent (ish). Patria, however, is taking a raincheck until next winter.

Second Shooter in the Colosio Case? AMLO Opens the Can of Worms: Things get spicy when the 1994 assassination of presidential candidate Luis Donaldo Colosio comes up. AMLO drops a bombshell: the Attorney General's Office suspects a second shooter, a shadowy figure linked to the intelligence agency. This reopens old wounds, with AMLO reading a fiery statement from the FGR, detailing evidence and accusing the judge of “evident partiality.”

Megapharmacy Myths Debunked: Zoé Robledo, ever the data-wielding defender of the IMSS, shoots down rumors of a 99% Megapharmacy medicine shortage. “Malicious information!” he cries, brandishing statistics like magical shields. The Megapharmacy, he assures us, is brimming with meds, ready to be shared across the healthcare network.

Miracle Cures and Biyuyos: AMLO takes aim at the snake oil salesmen of the internet, those peddlers of “miraculous products” that cure everything from gout to existential angst. “They're deceiving people!” he thunders, his voice laced with a hint of exasperation. “And who's behind them? The biyuyos, of course!” (Biyuyos, for the uninitiated, are those shady figures who lurk in the shadows, pulling the strings of Mexican politics).

Moving On, (Maybe): The conference winds down with AMLO confirming his retirement plans. No power grabs here, folks! He even offers a bit of zen advice to his opponents: “Calm down, control yourselves… Tila tea, passion flower, is good for that.”

And Then There's the Doll: Just when you think things can't get any weirder, AMLO whips out a three-dimensional figurine of himself, crafted by a migrant Oaxacan artisan. He makes the little doll nod its head, a mischievous glint in his eye.

So, there you have it. Another day of news from the AMLO morning conference. A mix of policy updates, political intrigue, and a healthy dose of the surreal. Just another day in the fascinating, sometimes bizarre, world of Mexican politics.