9 steps to overcome a breakup

We can use a series of emotional tools to help us overcome one of the most common situations in life. Psychologist: How to get over a breakup.

9 steps to overcome a breakup
How to get over a breakup. Photo by Kelly Sikkema / Unsplash

Most of the people who go to the psychologist are because of a love breakup and, many times, they make a mistake, closing themselves or hiding their emotions. However, there are a series of emotional tools that we could use to help us overcome one of the most common situations in life.

According to Lic. Olga Ramirez Herrera, Psychologist of Student Accompaniment of the Autonomous University of Guadalajara (UAG), gave in the webinar, "How to heal after a love breakup", there are several strategies to overcome a love break up.

Let's establish what is a love breakup?

This is a type of mourning and grieving process where painful emotional states and thoughts are experienced that are undesirable, but necessary, forcing those who suffer it to adapt to a new reality. Grief involves five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

However, it often happens that people may self-deceive themselves and create ideas such as: "I will not be able to live without you", "you are the reason for my existence", "I will not find anyone better", "there is no one like him or her" and "I will die if you leave". They also make decisions not to face the breakup, believing that this way they will get over it and usually they are:

Avoiding the pain.
Saturate themselves with activities.
Resorting to substance abuse.
Suppressing crying.
Being aware of the other person's social networks, their own, or posting posts showing happiness or a present full of joy.
Looking for culprits.
Isolating oneself.

"These improvised responses, not strategies, do not work, you should not avoid the pain, not face this reality, hide, will only create problems in the long run and does not help to heal," said the expert. Instead of doing the above, the psychologist recommended the following strategies to implement to overcome a love breakup.

Strategies to implement to overcome a love breakup

Acceptance. Accept the pain of the breakup. This requires employing various coping strategies aimed at feeling and problem solving to give expression to feelings and emotions that should be supported by the social network in which the person suffering the breakup is involved.

Experiencing the pain. Give yourself time to feel it, such as crying and expressing feelings.

Seek social support. Such as comfort, positive and expert advice, understanding, and listening to others.

Taking distance. Do not maintain communication, limit the use of social networks and remove your ex-partner from social networks, this does not speak of immaturity, it is acceptable to walk away.

Accept your own responsibility. Recognize that you were also part of the problems and difficulties and ask yourself how far you are responsible for what happened, without hurting yourself or excusing the behavior of the other.

Make short-term plans. It is positive to develop some skills, focus on something positive and create new social relationships.

Avoid false hope: such as false illusions like "he will change", "I promise you", and "he will regret it and come back". It is important to remember what did not work, what went before, and whether it is worth coming back.

If you are angry, accept it, reflect on why you are angry, but do not let this attitude drive you, try to apply that energy in other activities that help you create positive habits for your life.

Learn and analyze. Ask yourself "why was it a good or bad company?" and know yourself in these terms, what you do not want to repeat, what values you do not want to negotiate, and what you do want and will improve.

"Take your time to heal, but always forward and ask for professional help if you do not feel that, after a while, you have managed to move forward," she concluded.